It’s such a big one isn’t it, self belief, self worth, especially when we are heart centred, passion-led creatives – the struggle is both real and invisible.
As we follow our hearts and carve our own path we bare our heart, soul and everything in between right there in our creations for the whole world to see … in how we create, how we speak, what we make a stand for, how we flow.
It’s so easy to hide behind a picture – I know … I’ve hidden behind many over the years AND I’ve kept many of those creations hidden to, too afraid to share them, afraid to own them, afraid to embrace them and unlock them.
The same can be said of the creative call … and it is a call. For those of you who hear me you will know the pull of the call is real and invisible too and the internal struggle/battle is as relentless as the desire to do what we love.
Being creative isn’t a choice … it’s who we are.
Listening to that call , whether it’s been a whisper, scream or a roar, has challenged me on all levels of my being. First there’s the fear of listening to it – can I really do this? Then stepping into it – am I really good enough? And then, as creativity does what creativity does – there’s the expansion that comes with it and having to evolve, stretch and grow as it constantly asks us to rise up and meet our potential and step into our more … and let me tell you, as someone who pours her heart and soul into everything I do, the path of authentic creativity has been a personal, spiritual AND a creative journey.
As much as I love this path I am on, when creativity has asked me to step out of my comfort zone, expand my own edges and step into my more, these are the times when I wished it were simple, if only that stretch didn’t come with the voice of fear and doubt and those limiting beleifs that underpins everything we do as we follow our hearts. And as God is my witness, sometimes that voice can be so loud it drowns out our dreams and limits our potential.
“You’re not good enough” … those are the words that have echoed through my own inner chambers – over the years they have been so loud that I couldn’t hear my own heartbeat. Those words would block my creative potential and shut down my flow in one fowl swoop. I can’t tell you just how much this one statement has dominated my whole life and impacted me creatively … well actually I can. I don’t sit here as someone who danced merrily down my creative path without a care in the world. You are looking at a woman who has fallen into the black hole that lack of Self belief and Self worth takes you down more times than you or I can shake a stick at. And I know I’m not alone, that lack of Self belief comes hand in hand for many of us as we carve our creative path. It’s with bruised knees, a twisted ankle or two and a few of those cold hard hits straight down on the concrete floor that I tumbled down my creative path … until I realised that the answers I was searching for wasn’t out there … they were in here, right inside of me.
And it was when I began to look inside that I got to get up of that floor, I got to stand up and stay up. Every time I got up – I got to stay up a little bit longer until one day those falls became a tilt, those bruises a graze and the twists a turn in the right direction.
Years of doing the work, silently at first, because no-one was talking about not believing in your Self and how it impacts us as creatives, because I was embarrassed about it, because I felt a failure because of it and because I didn’t even feel good enough to not feel good enough. I mean how does someone who had almost 300 industry awards of some description or another not believe in themselves? How does someone who has one of the highest accolades in her profession (and then won an award on top of that for the best body of work submitted at that level) not believe that they are good enough? That they didn’t have what it takes or that their opinion didn’t matter, that having a different approach was wrong and that what they had to say wasn’t worth listening to or that she doesn’t fit or belong? And yet thats my story – not all of it, but a bloody great big part of it. And I know I’m not alone.
It has taken years of peeling back my own layers, seeing myself reflected back at me through my own creations – the highs, lows and everything in-between … my expansions and contractions. These days I’m still lovingly doing the work, every time I expand and contract. I’m not doing it in silence any more though or from a place of shame. These days I embrace it, have gratitude for it, lean in and grow from it, because I know it’s all part of the process, in fact it is the process – leaning into that space is where I have evolved the most creatively … how? Because what I know for sure is that we can only take creativity as far and as deep as we are prepared to take ourselves. And I’ve learnt (and continue to learn) that in order to rise up and meet our creative potential – this is the wheel we have to keep on turning. The muscle we have to keep on building. The work we have to keep on doing, where we should be directing our resources if we want to reach our creative potential; that underestimating the power of who we are being is where most creators are stifling their creative growth, limiting thier potenial and impacting their success.
I wish I could tell you that the path was linear, but it isn’t. I wish I could tell you that it’s as simple as learning a new skill or buying a new piece of kit, but it isn’t. I wish I could tell you that following your dreams comes pain free, but it doesn’t … I wish I could tell you there was a quick fix to get to where you know deep down in your heart you are meant to be … but there isn’t … but what I can tell you is that when I stepped into my own shadows and met myself there, I found everything I had been looking for in the outside world and so much more. I stopped running from the dark hole of shame I’d very neatly shoved all my crap in and I realised that those shadows were just untapped potential and I started to grow … and it was here I found the magic, my magic. My creative work went beyond anything I’d ever won an award for, and I didn’t need another award to tell me I was good enough. I stopped looking for the next quick fix of feeling worthy that only lasted as long as my latest image and found the creative fulfilment I’d been longing for. I began dancing with my dreams, stepped up to meet my creative potential and into possibility. I started to create from this space and it was here I found my voice, my purpose and as creativity flowed freely through me I changed the relationship I had with my inner world, I created from this space, and everything in my outside world changed too.
So if you’re on that path with me and the going is getting tough and you’re feeling your edges being stretched – keep going … even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. You are in the stretch of the in-between – you are growing. If you’re dancing on the edge of battling with fear and doubt and doing what you love with purpose and passion – I see you. I hear you. I celebrate you – because you are the ones who refuse to give up, who can’t give up, who don’t want to give up. You are the ones who have what it takes to make your dreams happen. Even if you don’t beleive in that right now – I do.
And I want to know if you can hear me, because right now there are so many creatives doubting if they can do this, who are feeling the uncertainty and are in the chaos and confusion. There are so many creatives feeling the pain of the stretch, the uncertainty of the unknown as creativity is weaving it’s way down what feels like an unclear path and they just don’t have the clarity or direction. There are so many creatives who have to take that next step up to meet their creative potential and can only hear the fear and the doubts – stuck in that hole not beleiving in themselves and that they can do this.
And I want to remind you … YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I want to show you that there is another way.
Because I what I know for sure is that the moment you commit to showing up and doing the work for your Self and within your Self, it all flows from here.
It all starts with you.
With Love x
In 2016 I conducted a survey with creatives from the UK and overseas from multiple disciplines 77% said they were held back by their fears, blocks and limiting beliefs and that the biggest problem they faced were internal factors such as confidence, fear of failure and lack of self belief. Imposter Syndrome high – confidence low. This impacted how they were showing up as a creative business owner, how they were showing up in the challenging times and as they undervalued who they were and what they do and lacked self beleif, it influenced everything, from the clients they attracted, how they created, to how much they got and how much they got paid. And it cracked my heart wide open because I’d been there and I knew the struggle was real … and I knew I had to step up and do something about it.
I invested everything I had and more and retrained as a Creative Leadership Coach. I brought everything I’d learnt with me from my own path so that I could help empower as many creatives as I could … so no-one else had to spend any longer than they needed too, stuck in that dark hole of lack of self belief and self worth.
If you’re committed to realising your potential and/or taking your dream business to the next level but are held back by lack of self belief & imposter syndrome or you are in the transition of growth and feeling the pain AND you are ready to do things differently. I’m taking registrations for the next Conscious Creator programme – the programme that is transforming the lives of creative women just like you as they step into their magic as an empowered authentic creator.
This is for passion fuelled, heart centred creative women who are ready to go to the next level creatively, lead authentically, empowered and build a business with soul.
Book a discovery call here and let’s explore if this programme is a right fit for you.
It all starts with you.
Are you ready?